


come out and play

by kimannhart



Series: mess is mine [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Amputation, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, M/M, Minor Angst, Not Beta Read, Serious Injuries, We die like real men, bucky loves motocross, i also know nothing about motocross, i know nothing about the body, sharon is a good bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 19:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17883503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimannhart/pseuds/kimannhart
Summary: After a motocross accident causes Bucky to lose his arm and as a result cause him to slowly pull away from his friend group, it's up to Tony to bring him back to the man he used to be.





	come out and play

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trashcanakin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashcanakin/gifts).



> for [trashie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashcanakin/pseuds/Trashcanakin): because her comments gave me encouragement to finish this fic.
> 
> so the idea for this fic popped up when billie eilish dropped her song "come out and play" back in late nov. of 2018 and i had wanted to post this fic during my winter break but my laptop stopped working and by the time i got it fixed i didn't have time to work on it till now so that's why it's holiday themed lmao. but yeah anyway i highly recommend listening to that song so you can get a feel for the fic!!!
> 
> IF YOU'RE SQUEAMISH ABOUT INJURIES: please skip the paragraph that starts off, "to be perfectly honest" and read the end notes for a quick lil summary about that paragraph.
> 
> also this is not beta read so all mistakes are my own.
> 
> i hope y'all enjoy!

Everyone was gathered at Tony’s mansion. It was winter break and they had all decided to spend at least one week of it together before breaking apart and going back to their individual homes and families. Tonight was their annual day in which they spend the day baking Christmas cookies, building gingerbread houses, exchanging gifts, and doing all things Christmas related. In a simple sentence, today was their Christmas Day. 

Laughter and the sounds of Christmas music filled the air. Brunnhilde and Thor were off to the side baking and trying hard not to get into a food fight. Rhodey and Natasha were on one team while Steve and Sam were on another—the two teams were competitively building gingerbread houses. The house that Rhodey and Natasha were building was looking picture perfect. The house that Steve and Sam were building? Well… It was standing at least, though it looked like the duo were on the verge of breaking out into a fight with each other. Sharon and Carol were standing close by to the quartet, munching on popcorn and waiting for Steve and Sam to lose their cool and begin to argue. Jane, Helen, and Maria were all cuddling under a blanket on one of the couches. Loki was sitting on one of the recliner chairs, knitting what looked like to be a sweater. Clint was sitting on top of the kitchen counter, whining that Brunnhilde and Thor were taking too long to bake the cookies. Happy, Pepper, and Bruce were seated near the fireplace, perfectly content with the novels they were currently reading. The youngest bunch of their group: Harley, Miles, Riri, Gwen, Peter, and Shuri were off annoying poor T’Challa and asking him when he was going to stop being so shy and ask Nakia out when they go back to school. Tony was perched on the floor, watching everyone interact and enjoy their time off. All in all, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. 

Though, there was one person that Tony couldn’t spot. 

Bucky.

To be perfectly honest, Tony was not really surprised that Bucky was nowhere to be found. Near the end of summer, Buck was competing in a motocross race that ended disastrously. Bucky had ended up shattering his left hand, dislocating all of his metacarpals, snapped his radius and ulna, and ligaments were torn. The accident was so bad, that Bucky ended up having to get his left arm amputated.

And from that point on, Bucky had changed. The once carefree and loud attitude was replaced with the attitude of a man who was the exact opposite. He was more soft spoken and quiet. It broke Tony’s heart to see the man he had fallen in love with change so drastically. 

Before, Tony would have been able to spot Bucky right away in their gatherings. Tony would have heard Bucky’s hearty laughter filling the room, or the amusing bickering between him and Sam. 

Now whenever they all hung out, though, Tony would find Bucky near the corners of the room, barely participating or interacting with everyone else. For some of them, it was easy to forget sometimes that Bucky was even there with them. 

After Bucky’s accident, no one dared to talk about it. Tony figured that they were all afraid of saying the wrong thing, he knows he was. Harley had tried to bring it up once,—he had wanted to ask if Bucky was ever thinking about going back to motocross racing—but was immediately met with Riri’s sock in his mouth. Steve and Sam had tried to rouse Bucky to join in their stupidity many times, but Bucky wouldn’t budge. After a sharp, “Leave him alone boys,” from Natasha at their last attempt, Steve and Sam let Bucky be.

Tony didn’t realize how long he was deep in thought till he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and was greeted with the sight of his cousin, Sharon, sitting next to him. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Aren’t you supposed to be watching Steve and Sam get their asses kicked by Rhodey and Nat?”

“Eh, I can always watch them lose next year,” she replied. “Those two dorks always like to buy gingerbread house kits every year. They say that it adds to the festivity but we all know that they really just buy them for the sole purpose to throw the gingerbread at each other at the end of the night,” Sharon motioned with a tilt of her head to the frosted mess that was Steve and Sam, with Natasha watching in amusement. Rhodey and Carol, on the other hand, had decided to move to one of the loveseats and cuddle. “Go, find him Tony.”

“Find who?” 

Sharon gave Tony a deadpanned look. “Don’t play dumb Tony. It doesn’t look good on you.”

“I don’t have a single idea of what or whom you’re talking about.”

Sharon remained quiet, crossing her arms. She patiently waited, knowing Tony would crack. 

“Oh, okay! Fine!” Tony began to fidget with his fingers. “What if… what if he just tells me to go away?” The hesitation in his voice clear. “I know it’s selfish to think about me, especially considering what’s happened, but what if he doesn’t want my comfort?”

Sharon wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulder, pulling his body closer to hers, and let out a deep sigh. “Then, you can just be there for him Tony. You don’t have to give him physical comfort. I think we all know that Bucky’s a bit jumpy as of now about touch. I think that just even being there, just having your presence there with him is enough. Then you take your time getting him to be comfortable around us again. You’re his favorite person, Tony, we all know that.”

“Am I really?” Tony replied, with a hint of hope in his voice.

“Of course you are,” Sharon smiled. “Haven’t you noticed that when we’re hanging out that despite always ending up in a corner of a room, Bucky always starts out trying to find a way to be physically close to you? Even before his accident you were always the one he would looked to first after he finished a race. You were the one that when he looked at you his eyes would shine so brig—”

Tony snorted. “Okay Share Bear, you and this moment is starting to sound like a Hallmark movie and I don’t like one bit of it.”

“Not even the part where I said that you’re Bucky’s favorite person?”

“Okay that’s the only acceptable part.”

Sharon playfully shoved Tony on the shoulder before getting up off the floor. “Go find him Tones,” she said as she walked away.

* * *

Tony searched practically every crook and nanny of inside the mansion and he couldn’t find Bucky anywhere. The only place he hadn’t checked yet was his lab, and Tony figured that if Bucky wasn’t in there he was going to call his search off and head back to where everyone else was gathered. Before Tony even reached the doors to the lab, he heard a loud crash coming from inside. At first, Tony had just assumed that Dum-E had just crashed into something again until he heard the soft muttering of a familiar voice. His eyes widen in realization when he figured out who it was.

As he entered his lab, Tony stifled a laugh when he eyes met the scene before him. Bucky was covered in a weird liquid mixture, which was most definitely a sign that Dum-E had attempted to hand Bucky one of his motor oil filled smoothies but ended up tossing it at him instead. Shards of a broken glass cup was found near one of the benches. Dum-E was chirping away apologies at Bucky and handed him a dish towel. Bucky grabbed the towel and started wiping away the liquid on his face before beginning to gently scold Dum-E. Tony pulled out his phone and began taking some photos before putting his phone away.

“Well isn’t this a sight.”

Bucky hadn’t even jumped when Tony’s voice broke through Dum-E’s chirps, he merely continued trying to get most of the liquid off of him. “Please delete those pictures you just took Tony. And don’t even try to act like you didn’t take any doll. I know you.”

“But you two are so cute in them though!” 

Bucky was quiet for a few seconds before he responded, “Fine, you can keep them. Just don’t show them to anyone please? I don’t want Natasha having more blackmail material on me than necessary.”

“You have my word,” Tony promised. Though, his curiosity peaked at the mention of blackmail material. He wanted to know more but figured that was a conversation for another time. He hesitated for a moment, debating with himself if he should keep the small talk going or just jump right to the point. He knew that if he was in Bucky’s position he would want to avoid this confrontation, but Tony also knew that it wasn’t doing Bucky any good to keep pulling away from everyone. “Why are you hiding away from us, Bucky?”

“Jumping straight to the point, I see,” Bucky sighed. Tony kept quiet, patiently waiting for Bucky’s answer. “I’m just… it’s hard Tony. You know me, motocross is my life. It’s all I’ve ever done. It’s all I’ve ever known. And after the accident, I just felt so lost. It was like I didn’t know who I was anymore. It felt weird to me to not be back on that dirt track, to not be training during the off-season. But, I have been going to therapy lately, and it’s been helping me  _ tons _ . 

“I’ve been wanting to interact with everyone, but everytime we all hang out, I see your faces. And do you know what I see Tony? I see the pity. And I  _ hate _ it. I don’t want the pity. I don’t want you all to treat me as if I’m some fragile thing that’s going to break at any moment… That’s why I’ve been hiding.” 

Tony had been listening intently to Bucky’s explanation. He internally cursed himself and the rest of their friends for treating Bucky the way they have after his accident. Sure, their intentions were good, but not always well received. Tony sighed as he moved towards to sit on one of the benches. “I get where you’re coming from Bucky, I really do.”

“No, you really don’t.”

Tony had wanted to snap at Bucky, but luckily kept his cool. He didn’t want to start an unnecessary fight. Out of everyone in their friend group, Tony was probably the one who knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of the pity looks. “Do you remember when my parents and Jarvis died?” he asked softly. Despite it being almost three years since the tragic car accident, it still hurt Tony to bring it up. “Do you remember the way you all acted after that? Because I do. I remember the pity looks. I remember the way people would stop mentioning my mom and Jarvis once I was around. The way you all acted is the same way we’re all acting now. So don’t tell me that I don’t get it Bucky, because I  _ do _ . Hell, I’m probably the one who gets it the most out of everyone else. The only difference between you and I in these scenarios is that I  _ told _ everyone that I hated the pity looks. That it was okay to speak about my mom and Jarvis around me. Once I did, we all went back to as normal as we could have been. 

“So, if you really hate being on the receiving end of Steve’s pity looks—because I’m pretty sure that we can agree that his is the absolute worst out of everyone—then you need to tell us. We can’t stop the way we’ve been acting if we don’t realize it. And I’m sure that I can speak on everyone’s behalf when I say that we are extremely sorry that we’ve been treating you the way that we have. I’m sorry. I really am Bucky. 

“And I don’t know if you realize it Bucky, but we all miss you.  _ I _ miss you. Hangouts aren’t really the same anymore. Sure, Steve and Sam are still their stupid selves, and Harley and Peter are always competing to who can print the best thing from the 3D printer, but it’s not the same without you joining in. I miss the way your laughter would fill the whole room. I miss the way you and Clint would banter with each other. I miss hearing the stories that Steve and Sam would tell me about the recent shenanigans you guys would get up to. I miss hearing you and Nat argue to each other in Russian. I miss seeing the passion and love in your voice when you talk about motocross. I miss seeing your smile. I just… I miss you, Bucky.” 

Tony didn’t mean to go off on a long speech, but once he started he couldn’t stop. Everything just came out. He was a bit worried to what Bucky would reply, especially to the last part. Tony hoped that if Sharon really was telling the truth about him being Bucky’s favorite person then Bucky’s response wouldn’t be too bad. 

“I miss you too, Tony.” 

Now that caught Tony by surprise. He looked towards Bucky, who was now seated next to him on the bench. Tony could see the hesitation in his eyes, so he scooted a bit closer to Bucky. Feeling a bit more bold, Tony reached his left hand out to Bucky’s right, interlocking their fingers, and gave Bucky’s hand a comforting squeeze, in hopes that it would give Bucky some comfort and get him to continue speaking.

“I guess we’ve all been a bit sucky in the communication department, huh?” Bucky chuckled before letting out a sigh. “I’m sorry I snapped at you and said you wouldn’t understand.” 

“It’s okay. I know you didn’t really mean it.” 

Bucky squeezed Tony’s hand as his reply. Neither of them said anything for a few moments. They just let the comfortable silence linger on before Bucky spoke again. 

“Hey Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“I miss my arm.”

The crack in Bucky’s voice broke Tony’s heart. When he looked at Bucky, Tony could see tears about to escape from his eyes and he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Bucky’s body, “Oh, Bucky. It’s okay. Let it all out, I’m here. I got you.” At that moment, Bucky broke out into sobs. Tony moved his arms so that one hand was cradling the back of Bucky’s head while the other hand was moving up and down his back. 

About ten minutes had passed and Tony’s shirt was now ruined with whatever concoction that Dum-E called a smoothie, Bucky’s tears and snot, but Tony was okay with it. Bucky’s sobs had subsided and Tony could hear the muffled sniffling. Tony released Bucky from his grip and wiped the remaining tears on Bucky’s face with his thumbs, “Feeling better?”

“A bit, yeah. Thank you for being here, Tony.”

“I’ll always be here for you, please don’t forget that.”

“I won’t.” 

Bucky’s face contorted in a grimace when he took in the appearance of Tony’s shirt. “I’m sorry about your shirt,” he sniffled. 

Before Tony could even reply, a metal arm holding a box of tissues was thrusted in between the two of them. The pair laughed as Bucky grabbed the box. “Thanks Dum-E. You’re the best.” Dum-E chirped happily before returning to his charging station. “I think I should head up now and get changed.”

“Oh,” Tony started, feeling a bit bummed that their moment had so quickly ended. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

“Do you, uh, wanna head up with me?”

“Uh, I would, but I think I should probably stay behind and clean up Dum-E’s mess from earlier before he has another accident.”

Bucky chuckled, “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” 

Tony felt his cheeks blush when he felt Bucky’s lips pressed upon his cheek before he got up to leave the lab. 

“I’ll see you upstairs, Doll.”

Tony was still a bit in shock that Bucky has kissed his cheek. 

“Hey Tony?”

This time around, Tony regained his composure before replying, “Yeah?”

“Thank you for being here for me.”

“Always.”

Bucky nodded his head to him and Dum-E before exiting out of the lab. Tony was still sitting on the bench when Dum-E’s excited chirps filled the lab. “Yeah I can’t believe that happened either buddy.”

* * *

Tony had spent about a good twenty minutes cleaning up the broken glass off the floor whilst giving Dum-E another lecture about what should and shouldn’t be included in a smoothie, and headed up to his room to change into a different shirt. When he headed back to where everyone was gathered, Tony could hear the rambunctious laughter of everyone—Bucky included. Tony smiled. He guessed that Bucky finally had a talk with everyone and things seemed to be heading back to the way they once were. When Tony entered the room, Bucky’s eyes caught his. Bucky patted the spot on the couch next to him and gave him a hopeful smile. Tony beamed, plopped himself down next to Bucky and immediately curled his body closer to Bucky’s. As Tony settled into his spot, his gaze met with Sharon’s, who, along with everyone else, looked happy at the development between the two. Before Clint or Sam could open their mouths to tease, Sharon tossed some presents at the duo.

“Okay, present time!” Sharon yelled. The room immediately diverted their attention to the two birdbrains, and some complaints rolled off some tongues about letting Clint and Sam be the first ones to open gifts. And just like that, Tony felt everything was back to normal. 

* * *

Two years have passed since the first Christmas since Bucky lost his arm and a lot has changed. T’Challa had finally mustered enough courage to ask Nakia out and the duo had been happily in a relationship ever since. Clint had adopted a dog named Lucky who had a love for pizza. Tony had met Wanda and Pietro at his favorite coffee shop, had loved the banter between the twins, and immediately adopted them into their close knit friend group, which in all honesty is more of a family at this point. And, Rhodey had proposed to Carol. But Tony’s favorite development within the past two years is that him and Bucky were now in a relationship, and he could not be any more happier.

Tony watched in content from the upstairs cabin window—everyone had decided to actually spend this year’s Christmas in a winter wonderland instead at Tony’s mansion for once—as a snowball fight had commenced between everyone. Their laughter and smiles warmed Tony’s heart. He was about to whip out his phone and take some photos when two arms wrapped around his midsection. 

“What are you doing up here all by yourself?”

Tony leaned back into Bucky’s chest and hummed. “Oh you know, just watching everyone have some fun while I stay warm.”

Bucky pouted, “But doll, come out and play with us!”

“You just want me outside so you can show off that new arm of yours,” Tony replied as he turned his body around to face Bucky. 

“Okay, yeah, but can you blame me? My genius boyfriend made it for me and gifted it to me on Christmas, of course I want to show it off. I gotta show it off to you and the rest of the family before I show it off to the guys at the track.”

“You know, I’m very excited for your return to motocross. I’ve missed watching you race.”

“I’m just glad that you are the reason I can do that again. Thank you Tony.”

“Always, love.”

Bucky pressed a kiss to his lips. “C’mon doll, come outside with the rest of us.”

“Hmmmm, I dunno.”

“If you go outside, I promise you the next handjob I give you will be with the metal arm… with the vibrations on.”

“Where’s my coat?” Tony asked immediately as he broke from Bucky’s embrace and headed down the stairs.

Bucky bursted out in laughter, “Seriously? It was that easy?”  

“Yup,” Tony replied as he scoured through the coat closet. “Aha! Found it! Okay, let’s go love!”

“This man, I swear,” Bucky muttered fondly. 

Once Bucky met Tony at the door, Bucky pulled Tony in for a deep kiss. “Thank you for building me an arm, and making this the best Christmas yet. I love you.”

“And thank you for making me the happiest man I can be. I love you too.”

“Okay, enough mushy stuff. Let’s go watch me kick all of our friends’ asses at this snowball fight.”

“Go get ‘em love!” Tony laughed as he pushed Bucky towards the herd.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so basically the paragraph just talks about how tony isn't surprised that bucky isn't around because at the end of the summer bucky had gotten into a motocross accident that was so bad that his arm had to be amputated. 
> 
> also fun fact! the injuries i based bucky's off of in this fic are from motocross racer ken roczen who had almost lost his arm during a race. 
> 
> also i love the concept of bucky as a motocross racer so if you guys really like this fic and want it, i might write some more for this verse someday


End file.
